A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize