Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
