Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
