If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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