No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
