you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
