she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
