I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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