New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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