4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize