He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
