if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
