then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
