dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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