seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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