I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
