Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
