the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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