what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
