Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize