Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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