R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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