Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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