And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
