Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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