I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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