did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and you said cock pushups were impossible
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
