i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
