i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
