you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
