I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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