just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
