we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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