If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
