who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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