I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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