Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
