I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
