It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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