i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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