At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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