i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
