If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
