I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
