is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize