I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
