i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
