road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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