i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
