i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
