You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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