You're completely useless in the revolution.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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