You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
