im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
