i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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