I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You took a bar mat shot.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
