i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
