Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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