At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
