i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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