College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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