Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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