i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i love accidental penises.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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