I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
